Had to break the blogging habit... whether reading other bloggers (and floggers) or writing my own! It's getting in the way of finishing my projects! By the way, have finished and submitted draft 1 of one project, which they seem to like. Furiously trying to finish the 4 parts of project 2!
Was invited by kakis at a museum to join in a focus group on Peranakans. Tried to convince D to join in but he conveniently had a b-ball match! Really didn't know what to expect and believe if or not, had butterflies in my stomach before it. Actually, all through it. The aircon was freezing - darn I should have brought my cardi or shawl. Now I know why my kakis there always have a shawl handy! It was quite 'intimidating', though I knew the 4 curators and 3 facilitators (all museum staff) before hand from my days at ... I was the 'youngest' invited guest, not to say my fellow nonya and baba were old. I think i rambled on in an extremely 'bimbotic' fashion and could feel myself shivering. At the end of the day, I really don't know how much of what I said made sense or will be of use to the curators. Thought it was narcissitic of me to talk so much about my roots to a non-family member.
It does, however, bring me back to the fact that I have not fully begun my journey to search for my roots. Growing up as a 'chap-pa-lang', it was always just easier to say I am a Nonya or a Baba (most people don't realise that Baba refers to a male Peranakan and Nonya to a female).What do I make of myself since I am half Peranakan/half Indon-Chinese on maternal side (Ong/Gan) and Indon-Chinese on the paternal side (Wee/Toh)? Where do I fit in since my family comes pre-dominantly from a little known island set in the South China Sea called 'Siantan' or 'Terempa' or Anambas? The only people in Singapore who possibly know it are members of the diving community. Can an Indon-Chinese 2nd generation Singaporean truly call herself Peranakan? Does the fact that I grew up speaking our native dialect and Malay since I learnt to speak, picking up English only in kindy; that I like Nonya cuisine and that I still speak Malay and Indon to my relatives count? Also I don't wear a kebaya, I can't 'sulam'(but I sure can 'sumpah' ), so does that count? I do have a penchance for all things embroidered though and when I can afford one, will buy a kasut manek that fits (since mom's feet were a size 5 versus my 7 -7.5).
So what does it make me? Questions will be coming from the question mark kid! I guess I should get my cousins from my extended family (children of my mom's paternal cousins who are closer in age to her than me) to take me to Bukit Brown cemetary to visit the graves of my great grandparents etc. I should have 'cornered' my mom more when she was alive to probe and ask. Life is full of 'what ifs' and if I don't start this quest soon, time may really run out.
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