Latest Update at 9:51am

I'm waiting at the ICU Waiting Lounge. Dad had a dialysis last night. It did the trick for a while but it seems that his kidneys have shut down as they can't get any more water out of him. At 9:18am, the Staff Nurse in charge of ICU called and said that they were putting a breathing tube as he complained of increasing breathing difficulties.

Doctor gave an update - the cardiologist will be back down to review him in a bit. Seems he may suffered a silent heart attack without realizing it. It could have triggered the TIA episode last Friday. For now it's a wait. I broke down after the doc walked away. We still can't see him as they're doing an x-ray. I broke down after the doc talked to me. I must have also scared the guy who was in the waiting lounge, I wasn't that loud. It's scary knowing that dad's 2 vital organs are really weak. It's scarier even to hear his constant comment that he 'won't live past 79 or 80 any way', he's at that thereshold. Dad has a reputation for being a 'ou ya zhui'(in Chinese) - bad stuff he says always comes true. ALWAYS.

Why am I blogging and putting on morbid info? Hell, where's the sense of propriety in such a grave (no puns intended) situation. It's the only way for me to say the things I just can't say, the feelings trapped inside an abyss of emotions. A way to deal with the guilt and the frustration of 'WHY DIDN'T Is'.

I'm so full of it, I'm numb. The RMBR assignment is a GODSEND - it means I can visit dad anytime and it also means I have the wifi connection while waiting here. It's a most nerve wrecking feeling. Now if I can only find a wall socket to charge my laptop.