HHHHHHHHHHmmmmmmmmmmm

Took a day off work;got some things to attend to. Anyway, today is the weird day in my time table where I have 3 lessons in the morning and am free until the next lesson at 12:40pm. I co-teach these lessons with the main teacher so I shan't be missed.

Been having a couple of bad days lately; discussing with drakon if I should put myself back on the anti-deps. One cause is the book check coming up last week of term. Marking frantically but not frantically enough. This holds me back from returning to teaching FT. I admire the teachers, not just in Singapore but anywhere in the world. Well, maybe more here. Having been in the system and out, plus the fact 1 foot is sorta in it, these are the unsung heroes. It's a real struggle to juggle teaching several classes and subjects with administrative responsibilities, marking with CCAs and your own life. I seriously wonder how I managed to do all that for 5 years and always deal with the the 3 Ds that I went through!

Anyway, I have to really get down to figuring out the career thing. SOON!!!

Had bad news on Sunday, my mom's eldest bro passed away in our hometown on SUNDAY, 25 Feb. Could have kicked myself for not picking up the phone on time but then I was in the bathroom. I have never ever met him; just seen pictures and heard about him. I used to send him chocolates all the time as it was his favourite. It was sad that we could not find a way to bring him here to Singapore to live with us. Though born in Singapore, he did not have proof of it. Sadder still as he had slightly lower IQ than most people. It was really the kindness of my cousin, Leslie, whose dad is my mom's cousin, that helped my uncle Pau live his days in relative comfort. I can also recall the verbal abuse and gossip I got about a 2 years back when Leslie's younger sister called me long distance and gave me a sound scolding. Why hit it out one me; I really wanted to do more but at that point in time, my mom, dad and aunt were the elders. When I tried to help financially with whatever little I could afford, the money was thrown back at me with more abuses. I just want to say for the record, I appreciate what Leslie did and only can say that God will surely bless his goodness; I know I cannot do more than what is humanly possible. It is a blessing for Uncle to go this way and join his parents and my parents in heaven or wherever it is we go after this life passes. Rest in peace Uncle and watch over as all.

On the lighter side, I received an email from BlogTv this am. Seems they read my post from Dec last year on my taxi experience. They were wondering if I would be keen to share about this on CNA. HAHAHAH, haven't figured out if this is a prank or a hoax so I will keep everyone posted. Didnt figure anyone read my nonsensical blog anyway.

LUNCH time...later

Yogya Yes!

Gong Xi Fa Cai! I'm back and will post photos of the trip in a few days, after we get through processing the shots we took of Borobodur, Pramabanan and other scenes of life in Yogyakarta. The flight from Yogya to Jakarta was a little harrowing due to the bad weather. That may be a deterrent for me to travel to Yogya again. But still much to discover so I may just want to pop on over there again.

Inertia

Drakon had an emergency appendectomy last Sunday. I am sure I spelled that wrongly or as I told the English classes I have, I ain't no walking dictionary. That is also the reason why I haven't updated my blog. He's ok and certainly enjoying the attention and the hopsitalisation leave I bet! Amazing how you get bumped up when A&E hears you have appendicitis. Again, I say NUH service seems way better. I took 2 days off from flexi-adjunct, though I felt bad. When I got back to school, everyone was so sweet, asking how I felt.

Hanging out at NUH sure was a little uncomfortable as memories flooded of December. I have moved on a little but still missing dad's goofy comments and hanging out with him.

Someone said that if we miss a person who has gone ahead to the big pie in the sky, that we would be visiting their grave, niche, whatever. I haven't exactly been faithful in visiting mom's niche. Dad was laid to rest there (finally! they took so long to complete the marble slab) on 26 Jan. It was weird seeing mom's urn when they opened up the niche. Fr Cliff came to say a prayer and looked at my mom's smile and said 'The smile is exactly the same.' I knew where he was coming from. Told him I was slowly coming to grips with that.

Now I need to finalise my career path. Just need to take precautions for fear that the Reserves are running low. Retail therapied too much over Xmas and past few days. It's wondering if I want to go back to teaching full time or trying out for other positions. An ex-colleague gave me a lead and wants me to try it out. Fear and lack of confidence is holding me back. I can't seem to think or feel anymore. Like I am wilting away. NOT MUCH MOTIVATION TO DO ANYTHING, really. can't seem to get out of this state. But no one understands. I wish someone did.