MIRACLES

I am not the most pious or faithful of Christians. My faith journey has never been an easy one. Given the recent developments since 2002, I feel like I have lost my faith or more, I have lost my communion with God. I know He is still watching over me but it seems harder and harder to say 'Thy will be done Lord' because each time I say that, more disasters happen and situations reach calamity levels. Like now. Maybe people will say that I merely testing God but I have been raised with the notion that God helps those who help themselves.

Yet I look at family and friends who have so much passion and faith and feel as if maybe if I pray more or be more fervent and regular in going to church, things will work out for the best. Yet something in me also finds that so wrong, as if I were making use of God.

Of course, there are issues, which some of my closest pals term 'Catholic guilt' which makes it very very hard for me to get back to my faith and to God. I don;t feel worthy at all but then again, all these are created by man.

All I know right now is I am facing a very difficult situation, a big cross and I really hope for a miracle at this very moment or else I really don;t know what else to do.

Lord - where are you? Can you hear me?